Thanksgiving Indeed

Today was a good day, so I'm going to sit up, well I'm still reclining, and type to you. I want to give you a sense of the big picture.

I'm here because without this medicine my body is pretty much determined to go into labor. And the medicine is magnesium which must be administered by IV. Fun stuff. It actually took me a few days in the hospital to begin to see what was going on. Josh and I really didn't take it seriously at first. It was wild to watch my own thoughts swing dramatically that first week to where we finally came to grips with the fact that we're going to have a premature baby. Us? The Fullers? No, Toby wouldn't come out! And Toby was huge and healthy!

Okay, I'm getting ahead. I was bleeding for a week before I came in. Bleeding irritates the uterus. An irritated uterus likes to contract. Contractions just happen to cause more bleeding, as well as lead to labor. Oh, this is a fun circle, isn't it? The doctors don't know what started the bleeding. We fessed up to the sex, but of course everyone says that really shouldn't cause any problems.

I think that flying and breastfeeding Toby led to all or some of this trouble. I flew to Canada when I was 14 weeks pregnant, was feeding Toby more often during that trip, and then had sex. Boom, lots of blood. I'm sorry if this is all too graphic for you. Before I was ever pregnant this time, I knew that my natural health doctor believes that travel during pregnancy causes miscarriage. And she also told me not to breastfeed during pregnancy. I did both. I can't explain the traveling in any way that will make sense to you (or to me for that matter). But I really believe my doctor. The breastfeeding is known to cause contractions, whether or not the mother can feel them. Sex also irritates the uterus. I think that all of this together was too much.

I know very well that lots of women do travel during pregnancy and do just fine. But I still believe that it really is a factor for some of us. In fact, on Wednesday afternoons all the patients in this unit get together to talk. One woman mentioned that she had just returned from a week in Hawaii when her contractions started. See. But I didn't say anything.

Our culture has become very encouraging of women to continue doing everything they used to do once they are pregnant. I think that permission is a great thing. I hope that we pregnant woman don't see it as an expectation, however. I myself will never tell you not to travel or breastfeed when you are pregnant. That's a personal decision that you need to make for yourself. But I do hope that you, my friends, will feel the permission to step back from some of life while you're pregnant. I'll also tell you that even though I believe that this bleeding was caused by decisions that Josh and I made, I don't blame us for this. And even though my natural doctor had told me beforehand, I can forgive us for not heeding it. It was only one voice among many others who would have said that everything was okay.

So anyway. Here I am in the hospital. When do I get to go home? Well, if Alicia Grace comes out, or if I can stop bleeding and contracting without medication. No doctor will make a bet on which is most likely to happen first. I'm currently 25 weeks along. On December 10 I will become 28 weeks. 28 weeks is a big deal. Before 28 weeks it sounds like most babies have some amount of bleeding in the brain. How much and where it is determine if there will be serious disabilities. We're talking about blindness, cerebal palsy, learning disabilities. Only 15% of the babies that live will have serious disabilities. But we're just going to pray that we keep on truckin past December 10 anyway. After 28 weeks these risks go way way down. The ultimate goal is 36 weeks gestation. That would be February 4. Her original due date was March 4, Toby's birthday. But by 36 weeks she should be just fine.

So we just have to keep waiting to see. Every day. One thing is for sure. I won't be home, off of bedrest, with Alicia home from the hospital and healthy until some time in February at the very earliest. For the next two months we'll continue to be thankful for all of the prayer and support you'd like to offer. Everything really is going so well so far and you really are a huge part of that. Thank you. Thank you.

Ah prayer. Here are some specific ways you could pray for us. Maybe one or two of these will stick in your mind for you to pray for us.
1. Toby. Please please pray for my little boy. I miss him the most in all of this. Please pray that he would still feel loved by his mama and that he would do well with all of this extra transition in his life now.
2. My body. Pray that it would calm down, stop bleeding and contracting and not need meds anymore. And that when I am taking meds that I would continue to experience little or no side effects from them.
3. Josh. That he would manage this stress of being a single dad well.
4. Me. My sanity? My sister is an oncology nurse. She was saying today that after some of her patients have been in the hospital for a long time they really start to lose it. Pray that Josh and I would cope well with the emotions involved in all of this.
5. Alicia Grace, of course. She is perfectly healthy so far. Her heart is even showing a little more maturity than is expected at her age. But of course, please pray that her little body will be ready to face the world whenever it needs to.

Thank you so much my friends and family. We really couldn't do this without you. A nurse was telling me today that not all women told to stay here do so. Oh, I was so sad to hear that. I wish that those women had you. I really wish that they all had you.

Happy Thanksgiving.
Michelle