Two-Part Tool

You're getting a concert review, whether you like it or not. However, I try to be aware of my audience. If you're not a Tool fan, read the first section which hopefully will not bore you to tears. Fans of the band, skip to the second section to Vicarious-ly relive the concert, play by play.

I. For the Uninitiated: Tool 101
Tool is often put forward (by both fans and critics) as the best rock band on the planet, because of the technical precision and craftsmanship they bring to the making of Really Really Loud Music. They are, to use an antiquated term, heavy metal, but their songs can and do appeal to a wide variety of musical tastes, simply because they are so unique and well-played. A Tool song tends to be between eight and twelve minutes long, but they are not a "jam band." Those twelve minutes are precisely constructed, every measure important to the wholeness of the song. Tool has no use for 4/4 time, preferring meters like 5/4 or 11/12. Their songs don't have verses and choruses; they have movements, sections...and Moments. Few bands in popular music take their approach, combining a deep knowledge and love of songwriting with all the passion and energy of the genre they work within.

If I sound like I'm gushing, I am. I'm trying to convey to an outsider the fervency of Tool fans, and the reasons why they talk about Tool as if they are fundamentally different from other musical artists. But end of gush. Proceed with caution to the next section.

II. Concert Recap (or, this will be boring to most of you)
Maynard, wearing a rather silly cowboy hat, greets the crowd: "Good evening, Almost Canada."
Stinkfist. Damn, it's loud. Maynard is animated, dancing eerily and striking poses as he sings. He sounds okay, but isn't quite all there for the most intense sections. Last Tuesday's show in San Antonio was canceled because he was sick. Still recovering? As with most of the songs, the band draws out the instrumental parts and explores a bit. Justin and Adam appear to share one mind.
The Pot. We've all heard this one enough lately. The band has fun with it and so does the crowd. More antics from Maynard, and he seems happy to let the crowd belt out the screaming bits without him. Jeff and I are sitting way up high on one side and can't quite make out the images flashing on screens behind the band in sync with the music. Oh well.
46 & 2. Majestic. Ears adjusting to the volume and Maynard sounds better. The final pounding notes of this song are the first Moment of the night.
Jambi. Intense. To our amazement, the images that were showing on the small screens behind the band are now also splashed across the entire stage under the band. For those of us up in the nosebleed sections, the effect is incredible.
Schism. What could have been the Song Fans Most Likely to Go to the Bathroom During ends up being one of the highlights. Danny takes it to an entirely new level. The bridge between the two sections of the song has been transformed into something indescribably intense...another Moment.
Rosetta Stoned. I think we were all praying they would do this one. The highlight of the new album, truly new ground for Tool. Maynard growls through the bizarre opening lyrics, then the band rips through this eleven minute odyssey.
Wings for Marie/10,000 Days. We get a chance to sit down. Dark and brooding, building slowly, the crescendo is a long time in coming but when it comes it's glorious. Maynard is all better.

Now the guys put down their instruments and have a seat on the edge of the drum platform. Danny lights a cigarette (officially) and the band passes it back and forth, relaxing. Danny's lighter remains lit, and soon every lighter in the building is shining along with it. We can see clearly, without any house lights. Finally the guys get up and go back to their instruments. The crowd is going nuts. Maynard speaks. "Kansas was louder." The crowd responds predictably; Maynard is taken aback. "Okay, thanks. I didn't say louder was better. I just said they were louder."

Lateralis. Unbelievable. Red and yellow lights pick out the various members of the band as black and white spirals spin over the stage (read the lyrics if you don't know them). At about the six minute mark, Maynard transcends time and space.
Vicarious. Once again the band tries to save a song that we've just plain heard too many times...but this time it doesn't quite happen. Inexplicably, a muscular man wearing a red tutu and Slipknot-style mask struts back and forth across the stage a few times, then leaves. Whose idea was this? We're all hoping they don't end with this. They don't.
Ænima. Imagine nine minutes of your skull being pounded with gold bricks dipped in champagne. Now imagine you enjoy that sort of thing. Maynard sings so passionately, I believe he really does want California to fall into the ocean, even if his house is there.

The guys have the decency to remain on the stage after the music ends, receiving our thanks and expressing their own gratitude. It doesn't seem fake. For a few moments each of us feels like we helped create the music we just heard.