The Normal Baby

This is Alicia on the first day of her life with nothing stuck up her nose, down her throat, or even to her face. It must feel a little strange.

Last night was our no-oxygen test, and Alicia aced it. In addition to her apnea-bradycardia monitor, she also had a pulse-oximeter on. It displayed for us her pulse and blood-oxygen saturation level, and was set to alarm if the latter dropped below 85%. Alicia stayed pretty much between 97 and 100. The lowest I saw her drop was 95 while she was feeding.

We've suspected for a while that she didn't need her oxygen...based on the few times we've forgotten to turn it on as well as how she never sets off her alarm anymore. Now at last we can walk with her from room to room without trailing a plastic tube, and kiss that perfectly unfettered little face.

And, as if to sweeten the deal, Alicia has chosen this week to start trying to smile at us. Over the weekend it was just a few fleeting attempts, but they seemed to be genuine and not just gas grimaces. Then yesterday she really started giving us a big happy smile for a few seconds at a time.

I don't know about you, but for me that seems to change everything. I remember it with Toby too. Until that point, taking care of a baby is a largely one-sided transaction. You feed them, you change them, you help them fall asleep, you ask them what's wrong when they're crying and you can't figure out why, but they don't really answer you. Then one day they start smiling at you and that one tiny smile says everything you needed to hear. It says, I'm happy. It says, You're doing a good job. I have what I need. It says Thank you.

And you say alright. I was getting a little frazzled, if you want the truth, but that's enough to keep me going for another year. Until you can talk and laugh and run around the kitchen.

It's a beautiful moment, really. Right up until she barfs on your shirt.