A New Friend

Toby has a new friend. He's eight and a half, lives right down the street from us, and is named Zack.



Zack gets along great with Toby and Alicia, and has taken to just riding his bike over to our house in the evenings and asking if Toby can play. Toby seems to really enjoy him most of the time. I think Michelle has written here before about how Toby's vocabulary and imagination can sometimes be over the heads of kids his own age, so playing with an eight-year-old is probably an okay change of pace for him.

Zack is already in the know about our plans to move, and is really bummed that he only gets to be friends with Toby for 45 more days. He even pleaded with me to stay longer, so I had to explain to him about jobs and leases and plane tickets and how we can't really change it now.

It's been interesting to me how Michelle and I are reacting differently to Zack's arrival in Toby's life. For me, this is a significant milestone. Having a friend who just rides his bike down the street, shows up and plays with Toby seems like a huge step. For Toby socially, but also just in terms of the rhythm of life and parenting. I love it. There's no planning and arranging to be done, no driving, dropping off or picking up, it's just an instant friend all of a sudden. And just like that, Toby has very little need for my attention or interest in what I'm doing. He's off in his room or in the back yard with his buddy, leaving me to do dishes, play with Alicia, or whatever I'd like to do (as long as I keep them in earshot, of course). I love spending time with my son, but any parent knows that it certainly doesn't have to be all the time.

Michelle is taking it very differently. Zack is older, of course, and from a different family. A fairly unknown family, as far as we're concerned...we know there are something like six kids in the house, and I've had a five minute conversation with Zack's mom (while she was outside for a smoke), but other than that it's anyone's guess. So it's a little hard for her to welcome the idea of Toby spending so much time with Zack, particularly if it's not completely supervised. But it's probably not just suspicion or distrust on her part. There's just the simple truth that we as his parents, up to this point, have had near total control of everything in his life. His friends have been the children of our friends; his activities have been what we steer him towards; his toys, hobbies and interests have all been under our watchful and encouraging gaze. It's just a hard thing to watch the outside world begin to creep into that sphere of control, no matter from whence. So I can totally understand how Michelle feels.

I still think it's pretty great, though.