More Unsolicited Advice

How to be a Perfect Husband
Part two: Conflict...it's not just for newlyweds anymore

In our first installment, we visited the simple but powerful principle that your lazy selfishness can actually improve your marriage. For those of you naïve or bored enough to still be reading, we now move on to this week's lesson, which is about fighting.

Fighting is important in a marriage. You must be able to do it, and do it well. For example, in our six years of marriage Michelle and I have had over two fights.

Therein lies the problem, or at least my problem. I am extremely non-confrontational by nature. In addition to my introverted, "leave me alone and I'll leave you alone" personality and my Canadian "oh, you stepped on my foot, I'm terribly sorry about that" heritage, I also just don't care that much about much. At least not the sort of stuff that makes a marriage. I'll debate with you for hours about theology, Matt Damon's acting ability, or the role of hamsters in the global economy, but when it comes to where to squeeze the toothpaste tube or whether Michelle should work part-time, hey, I'm easy. Whatever makes you happy, dear.

Already some wives are rolling their eyes and wishing their husbands were more like me (and who wouldn't), but that's actually not my point. Men, if you are like me in this way, you need to work on fighting with your wife more. They like it. Disagreeing with your wife has numerous benefits:
- It makes you look like you care about things.
- It allows her to release tension by yelling back at you.
- It prevents her from worrying that you're "bottling up" your emotions (this is easier for women to believe than the idea that you really might not have any emotions).
- She will respect you more if she knows she can't walk all over you (regardless of whether she does or not).
- Make-up sex.

However, this is not the challenge that most husbands face. I have done extensive sitcom-related research, and I have come to the understanding that overly non-confrontational husbands are in the minority, while being too confrontational is a much more common problem. So I feel a duty to try to address this issue as best I can.

Dudes, relax.

I think that's about all I've got. Just let it slide. In the long run, very little matters, and as we learned last week, the more you let her have her way, the more you're going to get your way next time.

So, to review. If you fight a lot, fight less. If you don't fight, fight more. Marriage is a healthy balance of compromising while still expressing your views. And make-up sex. I did mention make-up sex, right?